Don't speak Latin in front of the books, Xander.

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Big Gay Xander

by James W. (with citation-based geekitude by MP.)


Xander is Gay - or at least Happily Bi.

I've come to the conclusion that Xander is attracted to men. A shock, I'm sure, given the amount of Xander slash I've written. But I've always based my impression of Gay!Xander on the fact that, canonically, Xander has never been proven to not be attracted. He was always potentially gay, and that was good enough for me.

Now, however, I realize he may in fact be canonically bisexual. Perhaps he has never had the big gay sex, but I believe he is likely to be willing to have it. Hopefully often and in a variety of positions and locales.

My conclusion comes from the realization that Willow is Gay. (Yes, it's taken me this long. Hush.) But what has newly occurred to me is that a random sampling of gay and bisexual people (me) has demonstrated that gay and bi people tend to gravitate towards each other. My best friend from middle school (grades 6-8) turned out to be gay. My best friend from grades 8-10 turned out to be gay. At the time I didn't know they were gay and I'm fairly sure at least one of them didn't know she was, either. But we were best friends -- we had lots in common.

In high school, I still didn't really know about the Gay thing, but at least three of the people out of about a dozen, in my circle of friends was gay or bi. That's a little over the national average of gay folks (25% rather than 10%.)

From this I conclude that it is possible -- though not necessary -- that Xander, whose best friend discovered she was gay, is also gay or bi.

Luckily for me, I have supporting evidence. Xander has indicated an awareness of other men's attractiveness. He has noticed Angel (1), Riley (2) and Spike (3) -- and possibly Larry (4) -- as attractive sexual partners. It can be argued that this means he's merely not stupid, and that he is secure in his heterosexuality. Non-homophobic straight men are quite capable of noticing other men's attractiveness, especially with straight women who are likely to care about such things. However, gay and bi men are also quite capable of noticing. Gay and bi men who are comfortable with their sexuality tend to notice in the time it takes to determine if a pass will be received well, and, if so, make one. While Xander isn't seen to make passes at men, or flirt with them in hopes he'll be taken home and stripped naked, he does keep saying things that indicate he notices.

From this I would say that Xander has never had the Big Gay Sex(5). But I think he wants to. Or is willing to. He may have had adolescent sex with Jesse -- jerking off together, watching each other, frottage -- but I think if he had had the Big Gay Sex he would have been pursuing it ever since. Men are like that.


(1) "Well, he's buff! She never said anything about him being buff! ... He's a very attractive man." -- Teacher's Pet, Season 1
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(2) "Can I have sex with Riley too?" -- Goodbye Iowa, Season 4, and it could be argued that Xander's "He's the once in a lifetime guy" speech to Buffy in Into The Woods, Season 5, held more than a little of his own repressed feelings about Riley.
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(3) "It's Understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious, and sort of compact but well-muscled." Intervention, Season 5
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(4) The footnote here would have to include large chunks of the script of Phases, Season 2, and at least one scene in Earshot, Season 3 -- so suffice it to say, Xander's babble-mode during his conversations with and about Larry, who finds the courage to come out as gay because he mistakenly (?) believes that Xander is, is rife with the possibility of Xander being in serious denial.
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(5) It can be argued that he has had sex with Dracula ("Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?" -- Buffy vs. Dracula, Season 5), but as Xander was under Dracula's thrall at the time, Xander may be discounting that as actual fun sex, or he may have trouble remembering the details. One wonders if he remembers eating bugs, too. It would be intriguing to discover if Xander's first gay sex was with Dracula -- and if his sexuality was a cause of his rushing into marrying Anya and then rushing back out of it.
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